tattoonews.co.uk Forum

Dirty, but not dirty !

2009-12-16T05:00:13+00:00

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”

Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Harry: “9.”

Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”

Harry: “36.”

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade”

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”

Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: “Pockets.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Harry: “Pants.”

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”

Harry: “Coconut.”

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”

Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”

Harry: “Shake hands.”

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”

Harry: “Firetruck.”

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands .

2009-09-28T19:56:31+00:00

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands .

He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster’s, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she
agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he’s from in Australia ..

’ Melbourne ‘, he tells her.

‘So am I. What suburb?’ she enquires.

‘Glen Iris’ he replies.

‘That’s amazing,’ she says excitedly, ‘so am I - what street?’

’ Cameo Street ’ he replies.

‘This is unbelievable…......’ she says, her voice quavering;

‘What number?’

‘Number 20’, he replies.

She is totally astonished. ‘You are NOT going to believe this,’ she
screams, ‘but I’m from number 22! My parents still live there!’

‘I know…’ he says, ‘Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you’

HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN

Diving

2009-07-10T21:59:14+00:00

Paddy and Murphy were out on a diving trip and Paddy said to Murphy.
“Ere Paddy, why do those divers fall in to the water backwards”?
Murphy replies
“You silly fecker, If they fell farwards they’d still be in the feckin’ boat”

Neighbours

2009-02-27T23:54:38+00:00

The Lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday last week.
It was very nice, but I think they misunderstood when I said “I wanna watch.”

A Little Humour

2008-10-18T17:01:18+00:00

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked
Robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily
The babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it
Was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a
Healthy so
n.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked the mother. ‘I was taking a tinkle and this bullet
Came out,’ replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. ‘Mom,
I was taking a tinkle and this bullet ! Came out.’

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years
Ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. ‘It’s okay’ said the
Mom, ‘I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.’

‘No,’ said the boy, ‘I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.’

Instant Karma or Natural Justice??

2008-06-14T06:21:38+00:00

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZZXslsLDLs

I saw this on another forum.

Lionel

Under age ?

2008-05-25T19:50:18+00:00

When I was doing my apprenticeship with Henry,both of us were working when a lad came in who we were both dubious as to his age and didn’t have any proof so I said ” We can soon find out if you’re eighteen or not “
“Oh can you do that” said the lad hopefully
“We cut your dick in half and count the rings” came the reply
With that he legged it out the door and wasn’t seen again
Henry and I had to have a quick fag break as we were laughing so hard neither of us was fit for duty